Back again

It's been a very long time since I've made a post here. Much has changed. My husband has lived for two years in a brain injury-centered facility. I really miss him, but I know I couldn't take care of him by myself or with a single caregiver to help. It takes a team, which is like a village but paid more.

Facets

Today I was asked to think if caregiving is like parenting, with the opposite outcome. What I wonder is what my husband feels like in there. The man I knew is gone. Instead is a kid asking for an ice cream cone at 4 in the afternoon. Or going for five midnight snacks. He talks with the boys about me and calls me "mom" when he does. It's not so much a matter of confusion as a perspective of usage. Finally, however, I think that it is just as possible to be a neglectful caregiver as it is to be a neglectful parent. It's hard to like, even when love is there. As with everything, it will end. And that is likely to be a surprise.

Cycles

Not long ago, I realized my husband was having distinct sleep/wake cycles. Today I'm beginning to work on a schedule to show doctors what that cycle looks like. By the end of one, he is talking to a lamp and thinking it's me. I didn't see that, of course, but our son did. Doctors have said he just doesn't have anything to get up for. I can't accept that, yet.